Dear Universe

I have this ridiculous sense of entitlement that stems out of a perverted kind of privilege. At some point during my childhood I decided that you, Universe, will one day pay me back. Because childhood was so.... less than ideal. And not honeyed. No rose coloured glasses or emerald coloured glasses could have made childhood sweet smelling or sweet looking. And traumatizing. So I think I've lived the rest of my life- my adult life- expecting you to make up for it. I refuse to give up this entitlement.

I guess this is called HOPE. Can we call it that? It sounds wrong and maybe that's not actually what HOPE is, but thanks, U, for inspiring some thing. 

With respect,

Hopeful Nat

You named your dog "Sunday"

Yeah

Sunday

Yes. After Sunday in the Park with George.

That's not a name.... that's.... that's a when!

No. Sunday is a DOG!

Why not Park or George?

Because.... look. *Calls out "PARK!" and waits.... "GEORGE" and waits...."SUNDAY!" in a sing song voice and the dog runs in tail wagging.*

See... Sunday doesn't respond to those names. Besides. Sondheim

Sondheim is also a name.

*Sunday Growls*

As I was saying... Sondheim references are so cliche these days... but no one will get "Sunday" and it'll be special. Between me and Sunday. And I guess you.

You're.... Joe sighs and walks away and changes the subject.

Once

At the end of the show, he turned to me and said, "So they end up together, right?"

The guy who couldn't, wouldn't, (so glad he didn't!) commit couldn't just breathe it in. He couldn't just reward the fact that I showed up - his un true-love- to the date we planned months before we even got together AFTER we broke up. He  couldn't just say, hey, this girl is classy and I will enjoy my evening with her in spite of the impossibility of us being together.

I wish I had a rotten tomato.

Maybe if we didn't get married so young, we'd have known better. And maybe Danny, Ellie and Nina wouldn't be wondering when they get to see their mother again. Maybe if I never walked out that first time, we would have fought well and things would be resolved. Maybe we should have waited longer to have kids. Maybe you shouldn't have taken that job to begin with. Maybe you should have let me go back to school. Maybe I shouldn't have asked. Maybe I should have told you what I needed.

Sometimes it's while you sleep.

The crazy thing about dreaming is that even when you know you're in them, your feelings are all the more intense because you know there are no real world consequences. And so you let yourself feel away.

I was terrified and I kept running. A mammoth of a hound-wolf hybrid was chasing me and he wasn't turning into Taylor Lautner. Sometimes they do that, you know? But not this creature. It chased me through a forest, and then it chased me through a theme park (which was actually quite creepy) and then somehow I was running through an idyllic meadow. Once I got to the meadow, Not-Taylor was gone. I had whipped around one last time to check and next thing I knew I had smashed into my true love. And he was lovely. And love was lovely. And he smiled and said that I was lovely. And I was about to tell him about this intense, instant and incredible moment- that I was so present and was he there with me? He was there with me, right?

Then I was back in my room. It was 6:50am and Erin and Mike were running their usual vacation contest and I had to be at work soon. But how could I when I was just in love mere seconds ago? How could I when that moment was so vivid in my mind. So I went back to sleep. I tried to see him again hoping that those feelings would somehow lead me back to him. I ended up late for work and I haven't seen my true love since.

It begins with a daughter's request.

Dear Mom

How are you? I hope you had a good day at work today. School was good for me. I am writing this note because I have something important to ask you.

There is a boy at school who lives in our neighborhood. He is also in grade one but he is not in my class. He is in Ms. Wu's class which is two classes down the hall. I sit on the bus with him. Do you remember that on Christmas he came to our door and he gave me a Christmas present? That is the boy. His name is Tim. He is a very nice boy and on the busride home from school he asks if I can go to his house and play little Ms. Petshop. I would really like to go and play with Tim because I think Little Ms. Petshop is fun. Tim is very nice and now that it is getting warmer, I think I can walk across the street by myself.

So Mom can I go and play at his house? I will make sure to do my homework and practice piano for a half hour before I go.

Love, Katy.